RIP Gloria Jeans Brisbane Domestic. 2007-2009

I've spent quite alot of time hanging out at airports. In fact I'd even wager the majority of my working life. A liberal dose of coffee is an essential part of my work day, not only to ensure I am functioning at my peak but also to oil the cogs of my soul.

This morning I was confronted with the crippling news that my favorite cofffee joint had shut shop. DISASTER!

I mean while they were no gourmet cafe they were consistently average, and in this current age where the 'petrol-station-cappuccino-sipping-uneducated-masses' fuel the espresso demand, consistently average is equivilant to an outstanding coffee.

So in order to supress my caffeine induced slumber I must turn to the inconsistency of aromas. We can only hope that a GJ's-esque coffee dispensery will soon fill the "consistently-average-coffee" void now inhabiting Brisbane domestic.

I think I'm a socialist.......

I never thought I'd say this but I think we need a National Coffee Standard, and tighter regulation on what people can call coffee to sell it....... well, that's probably taking it to far, however a voluntary third party rating system would go a long way.

I'm thinking of something along the lines of a Michelin Star rating system where experts would rate coffee shops and individual baristas and I sincerely wish I had the knowledge to start it off. I guess this blog is a very very basic form.

I'm getting a little tired of paying $3.50 for a "coffee" that looks and tasts like Taubmans undercoat. What's with that?

So you take your small double shot latté back and say, "Hi there, sorry to interrupt your very important discussion about Michael Jackson's secret girlfriend, but this coffee tastes really under extracted. Do you think you might be able to make me a new one, please?" Now usually the "barista" will recoil back and you will get one of two responses;

1."under extracted, what does that mean?"

or

2."excuse me, under........... extracted..........! Are YOU a barista? I didn't think so......... Next waiting please"

With that little rant aside, yesterday I was at Alda's in Perth, it has a pretty cool atmosphere in all, not crowded, haggared timber floors lending a real sense of character to the joint, and a few Scandinavian design cues with the light woods and white walls. Coffee's not perfect but better than most places I've been to in WA. The coffee du jure is well extracted but this latte feels more like a flat white. Over all 7 out of 10.

Now that I think about it if I were a socialist I would spend billions of dollars bailing out a coffee shop's that didn't know how to make a good cup of coffee, rewarding failure wherever the opportunity arose. Makes sense right.

Feel free to coment and share your thoughts on how we can implement a system to keep the baristas honest.

Tim Horton - disaster in a mug

Yesterday I was plesemtly suprised to receive a packge in the mail from my two favourite Canadians. As promised the package contained a can of Canadian gold, aka. Tim Horton's finely ground coffee. I'd never tasted Tim Horton's before, but if reports were correct, I was in for quite the ride; destination - flavor country!

Problem no1 - no can opener to access Horton's grind.

Solution - an old utility knife and a mate besotted with "the old ways"

Problem no2 - I had just moved house and with boxes everywhere had no idea where the primo esspresso machine was.

Solution - an archaic electric perculator bought from a garage sale found rolling around in the back of my mate's brother's 1981 carolla.

So with two crutial hurdles cleared we continue down the path toward partaking of the fruits of Tim Horton's labor. The minutes seemed to drag as the rich aroma of the brew began to pervade the air, the churning and bubbleing was as graceful as a symphony to my cafine deprived ears. I chewed my fingernails with anticipation as the coffee blasted fourth from the $1.50 perculator. And as the steaming mug of heaven was topped with freshly steamed milk I giggled foolishly like a 4 year old on Christmas morn, then disaster....

Problem no3 - somebody thought they would sprinkle cocoa over the top of this Fuax-cuppacino.

Solution - I'm sorry son, there was nothing I could do.

The bitter taste of the cocoa made my first mouthfull a little challenging. I didn't know what to make of it. As I got closer to the bottom of the mug, I began to get a clearer sense of the true hortons flavor, but still, something wasn't quite right.... What was this flavor that I couldn't put my finger on? It wasn't the cocoa, and at first I thought the coffee may have been burnt during roasting. But now that I think about it i'm sure of it, the mystery flavor was vinegar. The machine must have been cleaned out with the stuff by it's garage selling owner. What were they thinking!

So to sum up my first experience of "The Horton" I must borrow the words of Phillip. J. Fry, "It's like a party in my mouth, and everyone's throwing up."

I look forward to the sequil; "Tim Horton - a little cup of sunshine"

How to press a penny

No coffee today, spent everything Pressing Penny's.
Here's a step by step guide on how you too, can blow it all on commemorative penny's.


1. Get 2 Quarters and a Penny






2.Select Design








3. Insert Coins








4. Crank the Handle 6 times








5. Result, a beautiful pressed penny

NZ vs USA

Location: Cafe Espresso: Auckland International Terminal: New Zealand
Coffee: Small Skinny Latté
Ambiance: Poor 1 out of 10
Flavor: 1 out of 5

Overall Rating: 3 out of 10


This morning when I woke up I had one thing on my mind.... California! Everything was going so smoothly, Miguel's lovely mum drove us to the terminal, we checked in while she bought our breakfast, we cruised through customs, killed 2 hours in duty free...... then THE ANNOUNCEMENT - "We are now boarding flight NZ136 to Auckland, all passengers are now welcome to board. (pause) Would the following passengers please make themselves known to the ground staff prior to boarding...... Mr Miguel, and Mr Sam.... DING."
We got to the gate and the first words out of the dudes mouth were "unfortunately we've had to......." suddenly a dark sorrow filled our hearts. He continued "Upgrade you both to Premium Economy". There's nothing like a bit of undeserved favorable treatment to get the trip underway.

When we got to NZ we had a 2 hr transit so i decide to grab a cup of that black gold I love to sip on. Although this time it was not so lovely. First, when I ask for a strong latté, don't make it on skinny milk. Second, how's about you learn to pour a shot of coffee... I mean if you are planing on running a coffee shop as a business, maybe train your staff to grind, tamp and express a decent shot.

Any way, that's enough of that, I'm now sitting in The Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf in Santa Monica and all is well, I have a warm hot choc curdling away in my belly and I'm just about to catch up on some Z's before our flight to the windy city tomorrow.

2nd Location: The Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf; Santa Monica CA
2nd Coffee: Hot Chocolate
2nd Ambiance: 7 out of 10 (Bumped up by the free WiFi)
2nd Flavor: 3.5 out of 5

2nd overall rating: 7 out of 10

Addition of Ambiance

Location: James Street Bistro, Brisbane
Coffee: Double shot Latté
Ambiance: 4 out of 5
Flavor: 3 out of 5

Overall Rating 7 out of 10

So this evening a few friends and myself wandered down to the Blue Smoke BBQ for Wednesday Wings, not a bad little night out. Ok, about the "3rd Degree Chilli Wings" when the owner of an establishment warns you against ordering a particular item from the menu take the owners advice.

As the evening progressed we found ourselves at the James Street Bistro enjoying some delightful warm refreshments. I had the double Latté, Miguel the Hot Choc and Rhys the single Latté (note the 'rhys teaspoon™'). As is the commonly the case our coffee talk quickly turned to architecture .
I won't bore you with the details, however the conversation concluded with the idea that a memorable coffee experience is a composite experience, one comprising primarily of the warm brewed treasure residing in your cup, but it is also affected by your surroundings and the service of the staff.
That is why this blog just got another rating category, that's right....... AMBIANCE!

Raw Polished concrete floors + funky woven cane furniture + a 4m tall wine rack made from laminated ply = a nice backdrop to shoot the breeze with some good pals.

Side note, the reason why I'm writing at 2am can be summed up in two words. 'Chilli Wings'.

Coffee in a Post Modern World

Location: Capers on Buderim
Coffee: Short Macchiato (aka Capers crazy mini-Capp)
Rating: 1 out of 5 Shots


Boy's and girls the word of the day is........ DISAPPOINTING

Met up with my bro Rhys for a little cup of sunshine today, we each ordered a short machiato and what we got were these.......

I know, I know, we now live in a "post-modern" world where YOU the individual define your own reality, and in this Po-Mo world there is no acknowledgment of an objective standard (except for that standard of course)..... But seriously, what are these? Now as far as I'm aware words still have meanings. When a café offers a macchiato on their menu this is what I expect...

mac•chi•a•to
noun
espresso coffee with a dash of frothy steamed milk

dash
noun
a small quantity of a substance, esp. a liquid, added to something else.

Shame, Shame, Shame.